Your face is a jimmy john
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
