He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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