they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
