The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
