If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
