He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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