Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
