so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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