looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
