this beer tastes like vomit already
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
