You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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