At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
