This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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