i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
