I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
