hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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