girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
