I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
