I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
