As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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