I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
