I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
