I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
These tits shall not be calmed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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