My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
