if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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