dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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