it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
