I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
