I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
