So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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