He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
