Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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