I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
operation harelip BJ is a go
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
