found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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