i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
