cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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