i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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