i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
