WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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