Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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