pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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