there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
