hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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