so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
