I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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