And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
