You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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