Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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