ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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