You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
