M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
