:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
