I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
