i don't plan on having that self control this summer
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
