you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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