He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
