my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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